Very few things in life truly get under my skin. Few things will cause me to judge a man or not give him the benefit of the doubt, under any circumstance. However, there is one thing in particular about bros that really chaps my asshole. I mean chapped like raw dawg, itchy and blood ridden chapped. Unfortunately, there are just so many people in this world that too often I hafto talk, pretend I'm interested in what anybody is saying to me and eventually shake their hands. I've long believed that it is best to shake hands with the person about to bore you to death, before the conversation even takes place. You can save yourself valuable time and effort by doin so. If the dude gives you the Limp Fish then you know you gotta get in and get out of that conversation as fast as you can. Trust me on this one, I'm much smarter than you.
There is just no better way to get a feel for a bro than thru the all important first handshake. Now I'm not talking givin someone "nucks" or whatever they call that shit these days. I'm talking about a good old American, nice to meet you sir, initial handshake. Is there anything worse than a grown man that shakes your hand like a 6 year old girl? Is there anything worse than when you're about to do business with someone or you're sealing the deal and homeboy comes at you with some timid, I got picked on my whole life and I secretly have zero respect for you bullshit handshake?
My personal feelings on bros and a limp handshake may be a little extreme, I agree but I'm convinced that there is a direct correlation between the Limp Fish and many, many things. For instance, if you wear glasses, tuck your shirt in and have your pants pulled up to ur belly button and Limp Fish it, then you are probably a pedophile. If you're not a pedophile then I guarantee you are the guy that would jerk off in someone's face while they are sound asleep. Boom. Here is another....if you're a dude that spends mad time in the gym, wears a V-neck sweater with the collars popped on ur designer button up undershirt and have the limp fish, then it's a no brainer, you're a homo. Boom. I will bless you with a few more examples right quick.... If you're just an ordinary bro and you have a limp handshake then you are probably a coke head or have some other secret addiction. If you're a hippy or a musician and have a limp handshake then you struggle with depression and hate your life. I'm willing to bet that you will hang yourself with a guitar string by the time your 28. If you don't then you will certainly end up a recluse taking in every stray pet in the neighborhood.
I could go on and on with this one but I'm confident you get my point. Next time you meet somebody new, be it a salesman or just a friend of a friend, do yourself a favor and observe the handshake. It can be the difference in whether or not you do business with someone. It can even be the difference between life and death. You can thank me later.
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