This is What Two Bit Sports is All About.... To Me.

So if anybody is interested, this is exactly how I decided I wanted to write blogs, for better or for worse, till the day that I die. I was sitting on the shitter, shitting. Much like I am doing right now. In between shifts at my "real" job just cuttin terds and writing blogs like the fuckin man. Hey ladies...

Snookin for Diapers

Reality Television sensation Nicole "Snookie" Pollizi has finally admitted that she is indeed pregnant. This coming after denying it for over a month when questions of her sudden weight gain arose. Snooki has been dating the Doosh, Jionni LaValle for a little over a year.

I have already come clean with my reality television addiction so it should come as no surprise that I am a loyal Jersey Shore fan but the Jersey Shore will never be the same. Snooki was pretty much the only reason that show is still successful. Ronnie is a flamer, JWow is disgusting, The Situation is cool and I'd rather put my weenier in a blender than between Deena's legs. With that said, what is left for the Shore? Sure, Pauly is cute but most people tune in to watch Snook fall deeper in her alcoholism and get arrested on the boardwalk somewhere. Without Snooki there is no Jersey Shore, there are no "Meatballs" and there sure as fuck is no reason to keep the show goin.

We all know how the story goes, the best TV characters always end up pregnant, start living a healthy lifestyle, adopt a kid from a foreign nation and leave us all with blue balls. Snooki will be no different. We will probably see her sober on a reunion special ten years from now, happy and doin well with her dooshbag boyfriend Jionni. That's not how this was suppose to play out!! We wanted to see Snook on Celebrity Rehab with a drug addiction bigger than the Staten Island, smoking crack with Shifty on the roof of the Betty Ford Clinic. Way to disappoint Snook.

P.S. Who names their boy Jionni anyways?

KKK Tenders, Applesauce and Milk...

Superintendent of Methuen Schools in Mass, Judith Scannell is apparently in some hot water after releasing this school lunch menu to over 6,500 students that clearly showed KKK chicken tenders served with a side of applesauce and buttered pasta. When asked how this happened, Mrs. Scannell said that she was trying to be creative and have "KK" tenders but the person doing the typing accidentally hit an extra K. Mrs. Scannell was also asked what the KK was supposed to mean and she said it was a "creative way of saying Krispy Krunchy Chicken Tenders". Scannell apologized and the menu was quickly fixed.

I'm calling bullshit right here. First of all why would any superintendent be doing a lunch menu anyway? Is that what they get paid to do now? I always thought they did nothing all year, waiting for an inch of snow so they could call school off. Isn't that their only job? And why would anyone spell crunchy with a K? Even if they were just trying to be "creative". That's just stupid right? If I were a betting man, I would say that this was Mrs. Scannell's way of getting back at a young black/Jewish kid she has been sleeping with or something, but I won't even go there today. The real crime in all of this is that who in the fuck eats their KKK tenders with applesauce? Give me my KKK tenders with a side of freedom fries and maybe some fresh slaw but not buttered pasta and applesauce. This is exactly what is wrong with the school systems in America, right here.

The Buc's Can't Even Bunt Right... What a Sad Story Pittsburgh Baseball is.

It's no big secret that the Pirate's Manager Clint Hurdle would fuck a bunt in the butt if he had the opportunity, right? How many times has he had a clean-up hitter lay a bunt down with a man on in the bottom of the 9th? Too many times. Now Hurdles love affair with the "bunt" has just gone too far.

Every Fall, Coach Hurdle (nice name) has a bunt competition in the beginning of spring training and yesterday, newly acquired A.J. Burnett had his go at Hurdles annual boner fest. This is what happened....



This may not be what is fundamentally wrong with Pittsburgh Baseball because the bunt is often a smart play but this is just typical Bucco luck. Having one of the best farm clubs in all of the Majors should mean that your team doesn't need to bunt 20 times a game but I guess when year after year you get rid of your best talent, eventually this is what your stuck with. Washed up ball players forced to play silly little bunting games, getting their face splattered all over YouTube. Not a good look Pittsburgh, not a good look at all.

After the Bonds, Bonilla, Van Slyke mini era I gave up on the Pirates all together. Some owners would just rather get rich than bring a championship home to old faithful. I spent my younger days in Boston enjoying real baseball, in a real ball-park where the owners actually care about winning.

The Great Fenway Park...

Finally! Part Two of the QB Scramble.

It will all begin soon. The whispers are being whispered. Rumors are circulating through the league. The draft is less than two months away and the QB carousel is about to begin!

But I the fun begins with Peyton Manning. If the Colts release Manning it will be prior to the March 8 bonus that is due to him and this will be the official start of the madness. Jim Irsay and Peyton Manning are doing a political dance that is going to end with Manning hanging up his horseshoes. Neither side wants to be responsible for the end of the era. Irsay doesn't want to be the guy that chased away the most important athlete in the history of Indianapolis. Manning doesn't want to tarnish his legacy in Indy by voluntarily walking away. Irsay says he wants Manning to remain a Colt (just take a very large pay cut and don't mind that we are drafting your replacement instead of trading the pick for a mother lode of picks). Manning says he wants to remain a Colt (But why? Just give me one good reason to stay on a team in a deep rebuilding mode with a rookie future franchise QB). It is obvious that this marriage is about to end but both sides are positioning themselves for custody of the era's legacy.

So, with the remaining six teams that we have ranked as ones or twos, who ends up where and who gets left holding the bag. There are only four "prizes" in this off season and that even depends on Manning being healthy. The rookies (Andrew Luck and Robert Griffin III) will almost certainly starting for someone next year. Same goes for the big free agent prize (Matt Flynn). There are other free agents QBs that will be available but they come with questions (Jason Campbell, Donovan McNabb, Kyle Orton, Vince Young). Other guys may be available depending on the moves that take place (Colt McCoy, Matt Moore, Kevin Kolb?). Well, let's look at the six destinations.

The Twos

The Seahawks and Cardinals stand alone as my twos. Both teams have been aggresively pursuing a QB solution the last couple of years but continue to fall short. The Cardinals pulled the trigger on last year's version of Matt Flynn in Kevin Kolb. It didn't turn out so well as the unknown John Skelton outplayed Kolb and rallied the team to a strong finish. The Cards have been mentioned as a possible destination for Peyton Manning (Manning to Fitzgerald! Holy sh...) but still seem a long shot to make a significant move. I see them standing pat with their poo poo platter of Kolb and Skelton, hoping that one of them proves legit.

The Hawks have been even more assertive in seeking their franchise QB. The trade for Charlie Whitehurst two season ago seems to have been a bust and the off season aquisition of Tavaris Jackson equally so. I could see "Shaky" Pete Carroll going godfather offer for the rights to Robert Griffin the third or the Hawks going retro by signing or trading for another Packers backup QB (ala Matt Hasselbeck). Ultimately, I am confused by the Pete Carroll era in Seattle. Willing to gamble from a player personnel standpoint but making such obviously bad decisions on QBs. The Seagulls are the wild card in the race but I don't see them being the big winner. I see them trying to steal value with another secondary type guy. Maybe a Vince Young or Kyle Orton signing here.

Finally...

The Ones

These are the power players in the run this year. The Colts, Redskins, Dolphins and Browns. Might as well begin with the Colts since they have made clear what their plans are. The Colts will release Manning in the next week or so and then will draft Andrew Luck. Jim Irsay has taken an historic opportunity and gotten the bare minimum from it. He has alienated his franchise QB and completely cleaned house, eliminating many of those that have made the Colts among the most successful franchises of the last fifteen years. He will go into next season with a thin roster and a rookie QB. If Andrew Luck is not a booming success in the NFL, odds are it will be because he took an ass beating for his first two or three years. All fingers will point to how Jim Irsay has conducted himself over the last three months. But that is done so...

The Dolphins. Poor Dolphin fans. The Fins are a mess. Continued failure in the NFL only happens when poor ownership happens. The Dolphins should sign or trade for Matt Flynn. They have a young roster that has shown signs of potential. Allowing that young roster to develop along with a young QB is the way this should happen. What the Dolphins will probably do is to go in large with the celebrity of Peyton Manning. If the Dolphins sign Manning, he will not be healthy. That is just how it goes for the Dolphins. Bad ownership. Bad football karma. Do us all a favor and just go get Matt Flynn.

The Brownies. It is rare that things fall so into perfect order for the city of Cleveland. The Browns are sitting at fourth in the draft. They have two first round draft picks. The Rams are shopping the second overall pick and the rights to draft Robert Griffin the third. The Browns MUST trade up to get him no matter what the cost (the cost, by the way, should be slightly less for the Browns since the Rams would only drop back two spots and could still likely get the WR they want). The Browns face at least five more years of playing twice a season Big Ben, Flaccid Joe and the Red Rifle. Without a franchise QB, they may not win a division game in their next thirty attempts. The Redskins, Dolphins and (I think) the Seahawks are going to drive up the price of the trade but the Brownies have no choice.

That leaves the poor, sad Redskins on the outside looking in. They will go hard and heavy for both Matt Flynn and RG3 but will come up short on both counts. The Packers will likely prefer to send Flynn to the AFC (the NFC is loaded with young QBs right now) and have the relationship with new Dolphins coach Joe Philbin. The Browns are going to trump any offer for the Griff because they have the fourth pick (to the Skins sixth pick). Also, add in two consecutive disaster seasons under Mike Shanahan and it becomes pretty clear that Washington needs to win right now. The only guy that can (if healthy) turn that around is Peyton Manning. I don't feel strong about the Manning/Redskins/Shanahan combo for several reasons. I don't think that Manning will necessarily want to go head to head with little brother Eli in division. I don't think Shanahan will be comfortable turning the offense over to Peyton (which will be a necessity if they sign him). And I see Manning choosing a warm southern climate or a dome team over any kind of weather.

Ultimately, I see the Skins, Shanahan and Manning as reluctant pals. Shanahan must win this year lest owner "Chainsaw" Dan replace him so Mikey will be more willing to release his controls of the offensive to Manning. Manning, meanwhile, probably won't get a much more generous offer from anyone else. Most teams will likely offer him incentive laden contracts. I can't see him turning down guaranteed money for incentive money.

Coming later....

The scenarios that I would like to see happen.

OUCH!!!! THAT'S GOTTA HURT!!!!

No need for a long article, I'll let the video speak for itself.

Wax On, Wax Off...Paint the Fence With This Vato...

Its been a real long day here at the TwoBit Headquarters. Just business as usual, you know how it goes. Sometimes a bro just needs to see someone get knocked the fuck out to make the day complete. Do yourself a favor, just don't ever fuck with a dude that pulls some shit like this when you square up. It never ends well. This Vato got quedo eliminado de la mierda.

Get Him a body bag!!