I Remember When...The Seagulls had the greatest (and prettiest) uniforms in all of sportsdom

Remember the back-in-the-day Seattle Seahawk uniforms? The greatest sports uni ever? Huh? Do ya? From Steve Largent and Curt Warner to Brian Bozworth and Joey Galloway, the Seagulls were by far the classiest uniforms the NFL has ever produced and most likely the greatest uniforms ever in any sport, in any time, in any galaxy.

So, you may be asking yourself, "if those uni's were so great, why did they change them to the garbage pile pieces of crap that they wear today?" Great question. After more than ten years in the industrial waste blue that they are wearing, I can still not come up with even a half-assed answer. There is no defense for the change. Not then. Not now. Not ever. F@ck you, Seattle Seahawks management and especially, f@ck you to whosever idea it was to make the change.

There is plenty of precedent for the sacrifice of a great look in the NFL for trash. Just ask San Diego Charger fan (singular, as there aren't many) how they feel about the new (several decades old but still new) navy blue look versus the classic baby blue jerseys with the yellow lightening bolt and the player's number on the white helmet. No contest. And yet, the dull navy blue look survives. Best guess is the Chargers enjoy taunting their fans by lugging out the beautiful baby blues several times a year, causing nostalgia and joy (along with the required two jersey purchases by their fans) among the loyal few.

Fans in New England remember Pat the Patriot in much the same way. Bronco fans seem okay with the stupid high school looking garbage the Broncos now employ but this is most likely because the team won two Super Bowls in them after losing four in the far superior Orange Crush version. Ditto, the Vikings and Cardinals who traded class for modern high school looks.

The Tennessee Titans gave up not only a classic look after moving from Houston, but also dropped a classic name (the Oilers) for a generic one (the Titans). Their baby blue and red was sweet. The deeper sky blue with navy is lame. Add the Buffalo Bills to the list as well. Their OJ Simpson era blue jersey with red and white trimmed jerseys and white helmets with the stationary bison logo was rather ordinary but had class. The Jim Kelly era red helmets were a downgrade but the most recent change to navy blue was criminal.

So, it is clear that there have been plenty of bad changes, but have we seen any improvements? The current Bengals look is much better than their predecessors but could still be much better. The Lions and Eagles have tinkered by adding a variety of looks over the years without really improving or worsening. The Falcons switched from a red base to black but the change, much like the franchise, was hardly noticed. The Rams went from a blue and yellow look (why no white trim?) to a navy and gold that has pretty much split opinion down the middle, love it or hate it.

I am continuously thankful for the cornerstone franchises that refuse to screw with their own good fortune. Thank you Packers, Steelers, Brownies (they have messed around a bit but seem to always return to their classics), Cowboys (though they make me puke), Bears, Dolphins, Raiders, Chiefs and Saints. You guys are great. Don't change a thing. Please!

The only uniform change that I have seen in my three decades of couch sitting that I would say, without reservation was a brilliant improvement is the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. The Buccaneers terrible cream-sickle inspired orange and red-orange was bad. Their obviously gay pirate, with his whispy, flaming mustachio and his flaming orange fedora was far worse. The Bucs change was immediately rewarded by karma or the football gods with a Super Bowl championship and will therefore, hopefully, never be trifled with henceforth.

Tampa's change was really good but, if I wanted to go negative then I would say that it was simply a long overdue correction to a different kind of NFL trend, that being the even worse state of every expansion team since the team we started with, the Seattle Seagulls. Tampa, along with their state-mates, the Jacksonville Jaguars, the Carolina Panthers and the Houston Texans are all not simply horrific uniform and team color choices but also team names without the slighted hint of imagination or shame. Add in the aforementioned Titans and it is clear, the NFL has gotten too big and has made the unfortunate decision to throw all their imagination overboard to lighten the load.

Somewhere, the Seagulls classic Steve Largent era uniforms sit, untouched for over a decade. Those of us that loved those old Super Bowl-less years, yearn for their return. I will never stop hoping and I will never stop silently protesting their dismissal. Woe is me.

The zen master effect

 Okay this is a debate I've been wanting to have for a long time, seriously. How important is a coach in the NBA? How much credit does Phil Jackson deserve for all those championships? Could anyone have coached those MJ lead Bulls to 6 championships? Was it all Jordan with a lil Pip? How bout the Kobe/Shaq Lakers? Notice I put Kobe before Shaq and rightfully so. 

 So recently the the man has been mentioned for the Knicks coaching job. Rumor is the Knicks owner would be willing to pay whatever it takes to get Phil. If the rumor is of any truth he better be ready to spend. Most NBA insiders say it will take atleast if not more than what the Lakers paid him (around 12 mil per season) and that would be saying the coaching spot is very important. In my often bias opinion it would be worth every penny if they landed Phil Jackson. The Knicks have a bunch of talent, probably enough to win a championship. Of course I'm betting on Gaybron shrinking down to Labum status and choking again n again.

 I don't think there's a big difference in coaches when it comes to x's & o's but there are some factors that make a world of difference. Every coach in the league knows how to run different zone defenses etc. etc. And yes every coach in the league could probably run Phil Jackson's patented triangle offense. Some of the things that can be a big difference between coaches are things like time management, understanding the flow of the game, and situational adjustments (especially defensive). The funny thing is that I think Phil is average at best with all of these things. But he is the absolute best at some other things that probably cover up his performance in those. His understanding of his players and his obvious abilty to manage the massive ego of an NBA star is unmatched. He also knows exactly how criticize without alienating officials. So how important is an NBA coach? It doesn't matter who the hell coaches the team if you don't have the talent. But if you have the talent to win big, it matters a great deal.

 I really don't think Phil mattered all that much with the last 4 Bulls titles. I think his triangle offense was perfect for the players they had with Jordan but I think MJ would've won a few regardless of the offense they ran. I gotta give Phil some credit in the first 2 because his offense was fairly new and hadn't been studied much but we all know when it comes down to it, he had the greatest player ever!  I think alot of coaches could've won multiple rings with MJ.

 Now onto the Kobe/Shaq Lake Show. I give Phil alot of credit with all of those titles and especially with the two Kobe won WITHOUT SHAQ. Yes there are or were a few coaches that might have won it with that roster having Kobe and Shaq. The thing is I'm not sure they could've won 3. What Phil brought to L.A. was 6 rings of his own. They all bought in because of those championships. They knew they were gonna win titles when Phil arrived.

 Now with eleven fucking rings it's even more powerful. The players know The Zen Master only coaches dynastys so it's time to listen and buy in. Whether you think he is a great coach or not, whether he had much to do with any of those championships or not, he has something that no other coach on earth has. He has the ability to show those ego driven stars his eleven fucking rings. And with that this is one coach that makes a huge difference.

 Melo will respect Phil and with that roster they have the talent. No they don't have His Airness and they don't have The Black Mamba but Melo, Amare, Chandler & Lin is a really nice lineup. I would pay Phil whatever it takes and go get a title or three.

Song of the epoc

Let me start by giving props to this kid in the video, dude gets down! And whether you think he's good at dancing or not is irrelevant. You gotta love when someone just lets loose and goes with it. If you don't like it all I can say is, you are a square! He is seriously feeling this shit !

Now onto the band, Wolf Parade. I think they are one of the coolest sounding bands around these days. They got two different lead singers and use a wide variety of instruments. The fans are somewhat split on which singers voice they like better but they are both unique and different then anyone you've probably ever heard. They are now a pretty well known and respected band in the indy rock scene. Both lead singers have their own side projects going on. Both are pretty good but nothing compared to this band. They definitely have an original sound about them so I'm sure some people won't like them but those people probably listen to & like nickleback.

This is not my favorite song by them (though it's awesome) but they haven't produced alot of videos. Check out some of their stuff if you want to hear some truly original music. One song you should look up is called california dreamer.

True point gaurds are born not made

The Creighton Blue Jays came out last sunday knowing that John Hensen (Carolina PF) had an injured wrist and early in the game it was more than obvious to me that they were playing dirty. Smacking his wrist a couple times within minutes of the tip off. Late in the game with The Heels cruising to an easy victory,  the punk ass center for the dirty blue baby birdies gave a hard cheap foul to Kendall Marshall (Carolina's great, amazing, flawless PG) which fractured his wrist. Most analysts out there have changed their mind about The Heels title run but I wouldn't count them out just yet. There is no doubt they are a different team without Marshall being full strength but don't forget he still has one good wrist and it's his strong hand (shooting hand). I doubt he plays in the sweet 16 because they play The Ohio Bobcats but he will be back for the elite 8, bet! Marshall with one good hand is still the best PG in the tourney! This is true because Marshall doesn't play with size, speed, or strength. He is a true point gaurd that kills defenses with vision and instincts.  UNC will be there in the end with Marshall running shit, even if it is with one hand. True point gaurds are born not made n Marshall is as true as they come.

I'm So Sick of Punk Ass Pillow Fighters

Listen, you're talkin to one of the greatest Pillow Fighters ever to sleep over at any bros house. You just didn't want anything to do with me, especially on my home field. You see, I'm fuckin too quick for ya'll. I bunch my pillow all up in the bottom of the case like a cannon ball and BOOM! It's OVER! My shits a lethal weapon, quietly banned all throughout the Ohio Valley. So to me, this kids nothing but a poser. Nobody likes a poser and nobody likes a cry baby. Get the fuck up, bro! Turn those tears into fire and unleash hell on this dude, ZIPPERS OUT!! You ain't no Pillow Fighter, you're a damn Pillow Biter.

P.S. The kid with glasses would get jacked up. I would hafto go Zippers Out just because this kid is dumb enough to step into the Squared Family Room with his glasses on.

Song of the epoc

We had a request for Primus-My name is mud, but instead you get my favorite Primus song. I've been a huge Primus fan since this crazy dude named Willie had it playing in his car the first time I met him. I was in 7th grade at the time and he was giving me n my boy JB a ride to go skate. It was always good to hear some hardcore shit before you went out to kiss the pavement a few times. We use to refer to certain songs that would pump us up as "go skate music". Primus has more then a few of these songs.

Almost everyone knows who Les Claypool is right ? He has gotten his props for being one of the most amazing Bass players of all time. He absolutely kills it using unique techniques like whammy bar bends, tapping, slapping, and something called flamenco like strumming. I've always felt like the other guys in the band were way underrated. There's been a few different band members over the years but the guys on the best albums ( suck on this, frizzle fry, sailing the seas of cheese, pork soda) were absolutely a perfect fit with Les.

The Dwight Howard Saga Continues

Not sure but doesn't it seem like Mr. Howard has enjoyed all the attention given him surrounding the question of where he will play basketball next year. I suppose any of us could fall victim to the seduction by the media. Feeling like this decision is so very important that perhaps it has world wide implications. In fact, this may be the most important decision any human being makes this year (you could argue that Howard's decision has received nearly as much attention as the American citizenry's decision as the next leader of the most powerful nation of all time has thus far).

But really, it is such a stupid question. It is so meritless. This dude has millions of people spending billions of hours contemplating, debating and questioning where he will play. Play! One more time....Play!!! The world will ultimately not be affected in any way by Howard's decision. Most of me wishes we could just keep these things quiet until the offseason and then we could spend a week or two frantically wondering. But, part of me really enjoys the ongoing debate, so color me a hypocrite for writing any of this.

Dwight Howard has decided...........(building suspense)............to not make a decision. Yup, he has decided not to opt out of his final year with Orlando which means (unless there is a general agreement to an extension) that we can go on for another year obsessing about the future employment of Mr. Dwight Howard, Attention Whore. The media has chimed in saying one thing or another. Having one opinion or a counter opinion. Loving the loyalty he has displayed (Really? Loyalty? Like letting your spouse or life partner wriggle with the fear that you might leave him/her for nearly a calendar year) or criticizing the cowardice remaining a big fish in a little pond.

Either way, this is likely just an extension for the attention lover, Dwight Howard. Howard just hit a last second shot to put this wonderfully interesting/annoying game into overtime. Actually, considering his limited offense arsenal, blocked a last second shot to put this fascinating/stupid contest into extra time! Yah/Boo depending on your perspective.

Hold up, the 3rd Worst Fans in All of Sports?

GQ magazine has the balls to say that West Virginia Fans are the third worst fans in all of sports? According to their article (wrote some time ago) only Phillies Fans and Eagle Fans are more hated than the Mountaineer Faithful. Some fans that were considered "less hated" than WVU were: The Red Sox, Duke Basketball, The Yankees, The Cowboys, The Lakers and even Penn State (post Sandusky).

*I'd like to note that even Terp Fans from Maryland came in strong as the #5 seed, also above the Yanks and My Sox.

Is this a joke? Are you freaking kidding me? I mean where do I start? Part of me is honored to be so hated but anybody that knows me knows that I didn't need any help in the world's most hated department. Isn't GQ Magazine like a fashion mag for gay bros and guidos? Don't they do like runway shows n shit? But ok, I'll take it. Too be hated more than Red Sox Fans, Yankees Fans and even Oakland Raiders fans is saying something isn't it? Who else has burnt over 1,200 couches? And in Maryland's case, who else knocks on people's doors and steals couches just to burn them? True story.

My only question is this, what if I am a lifetime Red Sox fan and a devote Mountaineer fan? Is it even possible to hate me any more? That's exactly what I want to hear.

Mountaineer fans are just like Steeler Fans, world fuckin wide!! You see, if you live in West Virginia and you want to be successful, you usually get the fuck out of here and go where it's goin down, taking your roots with you. Same thing goes for the Pittsburgh area. I don't need to explain how it all works, you're not stupid but this is why our fans are the greatest in the world. This is why our fans are in every major city across the country. This is why even away games are really home games for the Mounties and the Steelers. So fuck off GQ, we embrase things like this. What's better than being the most hated fans in the world of sports, you ask? Being the greatest and largest group of 3rd most hated fans in the world of sports.

See, check this bro out. Greatest fans on the planet.

Are you the Oracle?

Calling all pretenders. We are looking for the big baller. The shot caller. Just kidding, we are looking to crown "The Oracle". Who makes all the right calls this year? Mr. Armstrong, uh, don't bother. We know you are not for real. You got beat by the First Lady in the NFL Playoffs Contest for goodness sake. (Congrats to the younger Mr. Kins for winning that one in a head to head Super Bowl battle, winner take all style)

Here are the rules:

There are no rules (except be super crystal clear as to what you are predicting). The categories below are optional. Answer as many or as few as you like. You can make additional predictions. The winner will be decided by a committee of me (just me) and there are no rules as to how I will make the decision. Volume of accuracy could win it but then again maybe only one incredible mind blowing prediction could as well. No idea and no promises. Be creative or go f@ck yourself. I don't really care.

Here are the categories:

National Champion (Obvious What we are looking for here, right?)
Final Four (Equally obvious. Getting all four right is better than getting three right, got it?)
Dark Horse Final Four (Looking for the lowest seeded team to make the Final Four.)
Elite Eight Cinderella (Same deal. Lowest seeded team that makes the Elite Eight.)
Biggest First Round Upset (Do you have the nuts to take a 16? If yes, then you are simply nuts.)

Those are the biggies but here are some more...

Top Seed Survivor Pick (First One Seed eliminated.)
Cinderella Search (Last 12-16 seed eliminated.)
Conference Chumps (Which conference has the most losses in the first round?)

Again, answer all or just a few in you want. Offer up some your own as well. Being a dick and copying someone's picks will not impress me but making fun of someone's picks might.

Good luck and whatever...

Did Propecia Ever ALMOST Get You Laid?

Erectile Disfunction and Impotence have recently been linked to the Hair Loss Treatment, Propecia and bros everywhere are trying like hell to understand. Though the FDA has not even considered a recall on Propecia, that hasn't stopped all the vexatious litigants out there from trying to get some kind of compensation for their newly limp peckers. And I don't blame them.

This is probably the funniest story I have seen in quite some time. A bro is goin bald, right? He's seeing first hand that if you're just an average Goddy and your bald, it's tough to get some play, right? So he probably goes to some shitty wanna be doctor and pays like $90 just to hear them say he's goin bald, right? Then the bro probably pays another 90 stones for the pill that's going to give him his swag back, right? Ok now that we have that covered let's get to the real travesty in all of this...

So homeboy starts taking this pill for a couple weeks and is seeing a difference, his blowout looks a little fuller and he starts to get a little more confident with each passing day. He asks this chick out from work that he's been diggin on for a while, but was just too ugly to muster up the nuts to go for it. So before the date, just in case he is gna get lucky, he wants to rub one out so he can last a little longer, later on. Only he cant seem to cop a chubby, His shit is just like jelly in his hands. His pepper is liquified and he hasto pick Betty up in an hour. Maybe he's just nervous? I mean, he hasn't been laid since he's gone bald. So he gets half way thru his date and Betty starts playing footsie under the table, she's ready to skip the Filet Mignon and get strait to fuckin, so he eagerly obliges. He gets her back to his parents basement and you guessed it!! He cant get the boy up. Betty never talks to him again and a month later he sees this commercial......

Is this some unbelievable shit right here or what? I can't even make stuff like this up. I was just as shocked as every bald bro out there when I saw this commercial. Propecia should fucking die. It should get fucked in the butt and left to die a long slow death. Everyone knows that when a dude goes bald he either A: deals with it via Bic or a combover, becuz he's a cool dude and doesn't need hair to get pussy, or B: freaks the fuck out and gets Rogaine or some other type of Hair Loss Treatment, because he isn't so cool and realies mainly on his looks. So for anybody who uses Propecia, they are most likely trying to get themselves back in the game, not thinking that the same medication they take to give them their swag back, is gna be the same shit that destroys their clout forever.

Limp Dick is something a bro just doesn't recover from. It is no different than when a chicks gash is snappy. Once that rumor gets out, it's over. Nobody wants to be friends with you let alone sleep with your stank ass. With that said, I hope these dudes sue Propecia for everything they have. This is unacceptable.

P.S. Remind me to never use Propecia. I'm gna rock The Comb-over till the wheels fall off!

Honestly, is This the Gayest Tandem in All of Sports?

See, on the court I have nothing but respect for both of these guys. I love a villian and I love hating the Heat even more but I can't deny that Lebron is the greatest athelete in sports right now. However, that does not mean I think they are cool, trendy or anything other than complete dooshbags. They both have the same ultra faggy man bags and they both wear those ridiculous fake glasses. I know this shit is probably hip but I want nothing to do with it. If I want cute then I will check out Tom Brady's head shots, not these two dicks. Give me a white t-shirt, beater and some Doc Martins, all day.

What will become of Matt Flynn?

So the big unproven free agent QB this year is Matt Flynn. Is he this years Kevin Kolb/Matt Cassel or will he be more of a Matt Shaub? Cassel was impressive for one year as the Patriots starter but hasn't lived up to the hype he generated. He's still a capable starter in the league if you ask me. Kevin Kolb was a guy we had even less to go off of but I didn't really disagree with the Cards taking a chance on him. Matt Shaub has proven to be a very good QB but it seems he just can't stay healthy.

Now onto Matt Flynn. Flynn started the last game of the season for Green Bay this past year and made himself a bunch of money. He stepped in for the NFL MVP and Green Bay's offense rolled. He looked absolutely flawless throwing 6 tuddys against Detroit. I don't think this performance was a fluke and that's because I don't think people just luck into an all time great game by a QB in the NFL. Aaron Rodgers has said that he thinks Flynn can be a top 15 qb in the NFL. Maybe just being a good pal but I think he sees that Flynn has great instincts which is what I think  Kolb n Cassel lack. Unfortunately for Flynn the Colts went and released Manning which could take away his choice of where he wants to go. Most of us thought it was obvious Flynn would end up in Miami once his offensive coordinator with the Packers was hired as the Dolphins head coach. This still might happen but only if Manning chooses not to go there, obviously. Not sure why he'd ever want to be a redskin but that seems to be off the table anyways. Since the skins traded mad picks to move up to the two spot in the draft they will get RG3.

In some sense Flynn and  Manning are connected. Flynns destination will most likely depend on what Manning decides to do. If the Broncos don't land Peyton will they go after Flynn? How bout the Chiefs? I doubt either of those. Manning is Manning, a for sure 8-10 wins as long as he can play. That's the only reason those teams have made a push for a QB. Flynn is still a risk so they're not gonna pay 30-40 mil on a guy that might not be better than who they have. Well he's ten times better then teebs in his sleep but the fan base in Denver wouldn't go for that and I don't think Elway would take that chance. Imagine what would go down if he paid Flynn, traded Tebow and Flynn ended up being Alex Smith (poo) ?  This leaves a few possible destinations I believe. I think he goes to Miami if they don't end up with Manning. If they do land Manning I think Flynn goes to Seattle. The GM in Seattle drafted Flynn so that's an obvious connection. If there's another team I think it's Cleveland. I think the stupid Brownies should've thrown as many draft picks as it took to move up to get RG3. I've said that the city needs something or someone to get excited about. Maybe Flynn could give them hope but Griffin brings world class speed if nothing else which equals excitement.  A few times a game he's gonna make an amazing play so the fans gotta go see him. However if Flynn is the next Rodgers then they would get a franchise guy without giving up all those draft picks. The only way I see him in Cleveland is if they just go all out and pay him huge money. Should the Browns go hard after Flynn? I say why not  but if I was Flynn I would take a little less money and avoid Cleveland at all cost.

 Where does Flynn play next year ? And is he for real ? I would love to see him in that super cute Seagulls jersey. Since Dallas and Washington got hit hard today by the league for front loading the cap  every other team in the league gets an additional 1.6 mil in cap space this year. Maybe that brings some other teams in but I still don't see anyone else making a real push for him.

song of the epoc

Haha!!! These guys are wack but I really like this song. I heard this song on the movie hall pass and without realizing it I started kinda doing a weird shoulders type dance thing while sitting down on my couch. It's one of those strange songs that do that to me. Like I could be in a conversation with someone with it playin in the background somewhere and they would have to point out that I'm starting to dance, though I didn't even really hear it or realize I was moving. Has this happened to anyone else, or am I the only one that has that high a level of coolness? Yes I am that cooooo!  Such a fun song

Celtics Vs. LaLaLakers... Live Joint.

Goddy, a huge Celtics fan. Czur, a huge Lakers fan. Mr. Kins, a huge PUD. Let's talk some shit. Live @ 3:30.

Go Ahead Gronk, The Madden Curse Is Over.

I'm not a guy who really believes in ghosts, curses, or hexes but there is one curse, in particular, I just can't help but to fear. The Madden Cover Curse.

The Madden Cover Curse has been one of the strangest phenomenons in all of sports for a long time. Other than the Curse of the Bambino, I can't think of any other that really compares to Fat John Madden's stupid hex. Can you?

Let's take a look at the players affected by the curse and you can form your own opinion. It all started in 1999 with Garrison Hearst. The following year, Barry Sanders was supposed to get the cover but he wasn't a dumbass and he retired. Dorsey Levens then stepped up and guess what happened? Yup, he got his knee jacked up and was never the same. For the next 11 years, Fat Madden's Curse claimed 11 more victims. The list includes: Eddie George, Daunte Caulpepper, Marshall Faulk, Mike Vick, Ray Lewis, Donovan McNabb, LaDanian Tomlinson, Shaun Alexander, Brett Favre, Troy Polamalu and Larry Fitzgerald. That's some fuckin list.

Last Season, the cover was given to Drew Brees (My world champion fantasy football QB) and Drew managed to last the entire season without getting hurt. Does this mean the curse is over? Is Gronk in the clear? You be the judge. All I can say is that John Madden is fat and it should be mandatory for every Steeler to sign a "No Madden Cover Clause" before any contract becomes official. Whether this curse is real or just a farce, I don't want any Steeler ever doin this cover again.

Is The Curse of the Madden Cover for real? Is Gronk good to go?

Fuckin Rednecks

Sometimes at the end of a very long week, I enjoy watching bros get their shit packed in. For some reason I felt like watchin a couple rednecks get it in, only in this case it was just one dumb redneck saucing another dumb redneck while he was sitting on a curb. Sucker.



My only question is this, what kind of plant did this dude steal? I can only think of one type of plant that can justify this. It had to be a Geranium, right?

Song of the epoc

Okay another Bright Eyes song, so what it's damn good! This is real music, The kind that makes you feel when you listen. This is one of my favorite albums ever, it's called  I'm wide awake it's mourning. It's a compilation of greatness!

Coming Soon: TwoBit Sports.com, Consider Yourself Warned!

It's true, as we speak Two Bit Sports is preparing to make a move to a little bigger of a site. There's nothing fancy about it, nothing special, just a larger platform to get our point across with. In the next week we will be changing it up a bit, we will finally have our own semi-legit spot in this world. So don't cry little ladies, we will be back in just a few days.

We here at TwoBit believe in hard work, we believe in 50+ hour work weeks, we believe in everything blue collared, we believe that eventually our time will come. We work too hard, and are way too fuckin cool for this to NOT succeed. So with that said, whip it out now and start spankin one off.

Being the blue collared, hard workin mother effers we are, we are gna need a couple solid writers to pull this off. Male or female, gay or strait, cool cat or jive turkey, as long as you can write and have a fucked up outlook on life you can have a home here at TwoBit Sports. Imagine the possibilities.

If you're interested in writing for us, it's simple. Send and email to Twobitsports@aol.com or just send me a link to your own personal blogspot and I will take it from there.

Consider Yourself Warned, bitches.

The othe BIG free agent

Super Mario

Mario Williams being dafted 1st above heisman winner Reggie Bush turned alot of people's heads.  Many (mostly fans) were shocked and Texans fans in particular were apalled when Mario Williams was announced as the number 1 daft pick.  I told nay sayers (especially you Matt R.) back then, that it was as good if not a better move than taking Reggie Bush.  Now don't get me wrong Bush played petty well in his multi-tool role at New Orleans and proved this past season that he could be an every down back.  However Super Mario has proven that he can be the anchor of a defense.  As of Monday (the fanchise tag deadline), when the Texans opted not to place the franchise tag on Williams he immediately became a huge name in the fee agent pool.  With most of the hype centered on Peyton Manning, the addition of Williams to the free-agent market has not made the splash in the news it otherwise would've.  In my opinion he might be the best player on the market.  At barely 27 years old, Mario Williams is entering the prime of his career as opposed to Manning who is not only in the twilight of his career, but also has major questions about his health.  Williams was injured in the 13th week of the season two years ago and hurt mid season in 2011, but neither are chronic injuries and he's managed to accumulate over 10+ sacks multiple times and has been selected to the pro-bowl twice  as well as being named an all pro twice.  He can be snagged off the market for a muti-year deal that would place him at that teams disposal for the best part of his career.  Though he doesn't command the press the way Peyton does, he's sure to draw the interest of quite a few teams.  Rumors swirl around the 6'6 280+ pound hybrid end, who has the speed to play linebacker and the power to bulldoze lineman at defensive end.  Below are some of the teams who according to the rumor mill are seeking to obtain this superb athlete.

Texans will have to fight off Seahawks, Falcons

There are plenty of teams that could use Mario Williams, but the two places I've recently heard that could be in play are Seattle and Atlanta. The Seahawks' emerging defense could thrive with a versatile "elephant" linebacker/defensive end like Williams who can really get after the quarterback. The Falcons are letting aging pass-rush specialist John Abraham hit the free agent market and they desperately need a pass rusher in a division loaded with talented QBs.

When all is said and done, though, I think the Texans find a way to retain Williams, who is too young and too good to let walk away.  This is according to Steve Wyche of nfl.com.  I agree with Wyche that the Texans will work something out to keep him.  First the Texans made it past the 1st round of the play-offs, have a good offense, and solid cast of characters around williams.  With Manning leaving the colts, Jacksonville rebuilding, and Chris Johnson and the Titans playing inconsistently the Texans look good to repeat as AFC South champs.  However, money has a strong allure, and depending on the length of his new contract this could be William's last chance at a huge money deal.

The Seahawks if they don't get Manning, which i feel they won't will then make a run at Williams.  They opted not to franchise DT/DE Red Bryant.  Thus, they will have quite a bit of cash to throw at William's feet.  However, other teams with a better playoff chance will be vying for the rights to Williams.

Some think his ultimate destination will be the NFC North, either lining up on the opposite side of Julius Peppers which would be a hell of a 1-2 punch for the Bears pass rush, or fitting in as the missing link in the Packers defensive scheme.  The Packers struggled to get pressure on the opposing QB's.  The addition of Williams to Green Bay would put them at the forefront of another Superbowl trophy.

The Eagles last year hit the free agent market hard, aquiring many high end players, the penultimate being Asoughma after he left the Raiders.  They could make a big splash in this year's free agency bidding and aquire Williams on their star studded lineup.

Other teams mentioned have been New England, however Williams would have to be willing to take less money, which I don't see happening at this point in his career.  Possibly in his final contract.  The Jets have also been mentioned, where he would be a decent fit.  Lastly the Jags have plenty of cap room.  They also are in need of a defensive upgrade.  However I find it hard to see Williams going from the best team in the division to the 2nd worst. 

Regardless of the rumors money talks, so only time will tell the end of this story.

Skins Sell Thier Soul for RG3

I now we have not been posting a lit lately but i had to get a discussion goin on this. The Skins have traded thier soul for a shot at RG3. Good move?

P.S. Fuckin Browns blew it again.

Arby's new Super Rueben!

A lovely sandwich. Not too shabby for a fast food entry. Not saying its top ten all time Rueben but I like it.

Pic here

So can any Rueben compete with the Alpha's fantastic serving?

ACC Tourney Day Two. Discuss.

Maryland takes the court against the number four ranked team in the country and the prohibitive favorite to win the national championship next month, the University of North Carolina. Let's live blog. Anybody else watching?

Is Alex Smith A Bust?

In light of the this past season and the apparent resurgence of the Goddy's favorite sh@thole QB, is Alex Smith no longer a bust? Does one winning season forgive the prior six fecally stained years? Can San Francisco's faithful forget the mass rectal bleeding that the Great Shitter hath inspired?



First, we need to decide what is the definition of bust? I have a simple definition for you'ins guys. I am going to use this definition- Knowing what you know about the player's career, would his team draft him again in the same draft spot? In this way we can decide any player's bust-ness. Peyton Manning would clearly not be a bust. The Colts would without question draft him again. Ryan Leaf? Obviously, the Chargers would like to get a redo on that one.

So, at this point, would the Niners draft Alex Smith again with the first overall pick of the 2005 draft? Come on Rushie, defend your boy. Is there any way that the Niners redo that pick? Just admit that Alex Smith is a busted up butthole. Defend your boy, butthole.

Sammie's Choice - Song of the Day

Mr. Armstrong, in addition to the upcoming @sskicking that my ten month old Sammie is about to inflict on you in the college basketball tourney...her taste in music is much better than yours as well. The Duck Song is on the top of her charts for the 27th consecutive week. I think it has reached my top ten as well. Just a masterpiece. Enjoy.

-Chanson Du Jour-

Usually the Czur does the Chanson Du Jour but I have decided to take over for one day, and one day only.

My reason is simple, Fuck Jonathon Papelbon and Fuck the Philly's. Papelbon, a former Red Sox closing pitcher was told today by Dropkick Murphy's basist and lead singer, Ken Casey, that he can no longer make his entrance to thier hit song "Shipping Back to Boston". Casey also said that he has contacted The Red Sox newest closer, Andrew Bailey, to give him permission to now use thier jam when he enters the field.

I'm not a Dropkick Murphy fan but I figured this was a perfect time to do my first "Chanson Du Jour". Plus, these cats are from Quincy, Mass and that's about ten feet from where I lived for a few years. Let's Go Red Sox!!

Doomsday Preppin N Shit

Not only am I obsessed with reality television, I am obsessed with the end of civilization as we know it. Thanks primarily to the movie Red Dawn. The new National Geographic series Doomsday Preppers, on every Tuesday night, is the latest love of my life. It tells the stories of hundreds of people preparing for Armageddon. These people are referred to as "Doomsday Preppers". They are average joes, lawyers, retired mill workers and everything in between, all coming together for a common goal. From a polar shift to an economic meltdown, these preppers are ready for anything. Stockpiling food supplies, generating energy and establishing a line of defense to protect their family from scavengers, Preppers have every angle covered.



You may think these people are crazy, you may think they are all a bunch of Mr. Dobbs's all hopped up on conspiracy theory n shit but they're not. They are just like you and I except they will cut your fuckin throat out and feed it to their children if they hafto. And so will I, as soon as this season is over and I learn how to, that is....

Consider this a TwoBit Sports Public Service Announcement right here, because I care about each and every one of you assholes. Are you ready for Armageddon?

Well let me tell you, I sure as fuck am. I have been doin a little prepping myself. Things are getting a little crazy in my native country of Israel and I have began to take my own precautions in case the United States is thrown into a World War because of my people. You won't catch me beggin for anything when the shit hits the fan. You wont see me at all, actually. I've got my "BugOut" bags already packed and my BugOut shelter sits in secrecy, awaiting my arrival. Food supply, check. Medical supplies, check. Weapons, check. Mary Jane, check. Music, check. What else do I fuckin need? While you sons of bitches are suckin balls for a loaf of bread, I'll just be chillin in my BugOut shelter listening to Bob Marley eating Honey Combs ready to slit you freakin throat if you try to take what's mine.

I told y'all that I have been doin a little prepping myself, well here is proof. Between writing blogs, bangin broads and smokin hogs I have somehow found the time to prep myself for any typa bullshit that may go down. I've got a little bit of everything here so it's very likely I won't even make it to my BugOut shelter. People like me get killed in times like these.

Nothing Really To Post About

I am not drunk. That is an important point to make. I bring it up because this is exactly what I would be doing five years ago if I decided to sit down and write a little something with the exception that it would be about two in the morning and I would be drunk.

Peyton Manning is no longer a Colt. It is funny how shifting time just a little bit makes all the difference. That sentence would have seemed so stupid about 13 months ago. There is absolutely no scenario possible that Peyton Manning, if healthy, would not be the starting quarterback for the Colts in September of 2012. Next you are going to tell me that Tom Brady is going to divorce Giselle to move in with his new midget boyfriend. But here we are, nonetheless.

The Saints have rocked the sports world with allegations of "bounties" placed on opposing players. Hmmm...NFL defensive players are getting rewarded for knocking opposing offensive stars out of games? In the NFL? What? How can this be? Interesting how much money the Steelers defensive end James Harrison has earned. Mostly, I suppose, because of his propensity for eluding his blocker and getting hits on star quarterbacks. Not to pick on Harrison. He is just the first of about a thousand defensive players that I could have picked.

The NFL draft is in fifty days! A really, really underrated sports weekend. I love the NFL draft. Of course, I would be up for checking out the NFL combine, media days during the super bowl, the deliberations of the committee that chooses the Superbowl halftime bands, Roger Goodell feeding puppies to the monster that lives in his butthole or virtually any other NFL related sideshow. I love the NFL in a way that is so hard to put into words.

What is going to happen to professional sports when the robots come? Steroids and other performance enhancing drugs will seem like the good old innocent days of yore once technology advances to the stage where mechanical or robotic replacement body parts actually enhance human performance. I think track and field will be the first to encounter this problem and therefore will lay down precedent. What happens when a disabled type person with high tech type alternative leg type devices can run faster than the fasted non-disabled type person? The special olympics will truly be special!

Oops...Monk is coming back on...gotta go.

Bitter Sweet Big East Steam

Well, your boy has been correct thus far. Uconn defeats WVU today and is one step closer to making me look like the greatest college basketball mind of all time. Bitter sweet stuff. I love my Mounties but I love being right, more!

Colts press conference - Noon Eastern Time

The Peyton Manning Spring Frenzy is about to begin. Just twenty minutes away to the biggest free agent recruiting effort ever. As much as half of the league's 32 teams could be in play for the four time MVP. My hope is that he takes his time and visits every potential suitor. This is going to get crazy fun. Two predictions - he ultimately signs with a warm weather AFC team and Skip Bayless suffers a brain aneurysm by April 1st.

Get your predictions in here. Where is Peyton playing next season?

Song of the epoc

Top 10 band ever? Definetly in my top 10 favorites. Amazing song  Amazing band

The End of the NFL

First of all, this is not a doomsday type, woe is me story. I am not one of the voices crying about the rule changes (at least I try not to be). I am not a sadist. If the league can make life better for it's players while maintaining the quality of the game then I am for those reforms. No, this is not a digression about the sissification of the league or a comment on the effect that the league's popularity among women has had. No, I still love the NFL in all of its manifestations and I will certainly be a fan until my last days.

This is a short little ditty about our beloved National Football League. The rediculous coverage of the so called "Bounty-gate" Saints has got me thinking again about the future of the league and the sport. The NFL is enormous, of course. In popularity. In profitability. In social relevance. The NFL is big in all ways. A quick history lesson, in case you did not know this, it was not always this way. There was a time before football. A dirty, stupid time when the second sunday of February (the only Sunday that always gets capitalized!) was not a time to gather with friends, to drink excessively and to bitch about how commercials used to be better. Football is king. Larger than large, but...it doesn't have to remain so.

This is a story of slow decline. Not even the NFL is immune to popular culture. There is no big that is big enough to resist the march of time. Western society (I do not mean to be ethnocentric here, most human societies are progressive but I am talking about us...the U.S. of A. so f@ck you) is progressive in nature and for centuries that which is considered "acceptable", "humane" and "normal" has changed continuously and steadily.

Progressives of the early twentieth century would be largely considered racist, sexist and offensive by even the harshest illiterate rednecks alive today. Women get to vote these days (a strong argument could be made that this is not an example of progress but for now, all you sexist a-holes please shut up). Judging a person by the color of their skin or the flavor of their religion is not considered simply immoral today but as a really insane way to look at things. And don't even get me started on the most tolerant, brilliant and enlightened minds of the 18th century. Michael Vick would think Thomas Jefferson barbaric in all meanings of the word.

It is this march of time. This forward push of popular thought that really is the impending doom of not only the NFL, but of football in general. The comparison of boxing and horse racing has been made far too many times but the point is valid. Once the pinnacle of the sports world, these contests have been pushed to the very edges of sports society largely because of their brutish nature. We have largely come to the consensus that two men bashing each other in the head in an attempt to inflict brain injury is bad. Most of us have also come to view horse racing as cruelty to a noble beast. I could see the sport being outlawed within a generation or two.

But, those are old boring sports. It couldn't happen to football, right? Technology is the real villian here. I can see a day in the very near future when medical technology allows for instantaneous MRI type brain scans to be available on the sidelines of football games. I can't see why this wouldn't happen very soon. It seems that this would be a benefit to teams, players and fans. Once the technology is there, the league will certainly mandate it. But what happens when it is available for all to see? What happens when it is shoved into all of our faces? Right there, in black and white, just what the immediate and frequent damage is being done to the brains of men who are entertaining us?

What happens when we have to decide whether or not to allow our sons (and daughters, not a sexist, not me) to play football at the high school or junior high level? What happens when affluent middle class families no longer allow their children to participate in the sport? What happens when it is only poor, uneducated families that breed the warriors that will entertain us? How long can that sport last? Isn't this what really happened to boxing?

Maybe Roger Goodell is to blame. He certainly is not my kind of commish. He flip flops around issues. He overreacts to public pressure in regards very rare and specific events (the fines in 2010 levied on James Harrison and Dante Robinson for hits that were in fact legal at the kickoff of their games shows this to be true). In short, he acts quite like a lawyer trained to react to any potential litigation. A classic legal defense. See X happen. Outlaw X. We are doing everything we can, your honor, you can't hold us accountable.

His reforms to improve player safety are very transparent and shallow. He talks of player safety but his audience isn't the media, the fans nor the players. He is speaking directly to potential jurors everywhere. The NFL clearly fears litigation. Why the league and/or the players union hasn't stepped up and created some kind of lifetime health care plan for at least players with long careers is something that I am confused about. Greed, I suppose. But there are many lawsuits against the league going on right now and many more to come in the future. The sport of football clearly and obviously takes a terrible toll on the human body.

The very fact that these lawsuits are impacting the rules and regulations of the most popular and powerful sporting enterprise that the world has ever seen is the very evidence that society's views on violence in sports is changing. It is hard to imagine the league being sued by former players a few generations ago. The league's current legal status seems eerily similar to Big Tobacco right about 1985. Medical science educated the world about the real dangers of smoking and public sentiment turned, followed by the courts. Big Tobacco paid heavily for killing its loyal customers and the NFL may soon begin paying to settle claims of its formerly loyal employees.

The future may be a very unfriendly place for peddlers of violence in all forms (don't get me started on the morality of the mass slaughter and mistreatment of all of our favorite dinner animals) but the alternative doesn't seem much better. We have all screamed at the screen after Tom Brady's pants get a tiny grass stain and flags fly. "What is this, some f@cking flag football shit?" The league could remove all contact and violence completely and we would probably still watch. I will be a fan until my last days but leagues aren't built on the older generations. Will my kids love it? Will their kids?

Once upon a time, the second sunday of February was the most important day of the sporting world (though the commercials weren't as good as they used to be).

Top mma breaks

Ouch that's gotta f*$%in hurt

Asteroid to hit earth in Feb. 2013

I'm not a proponent of the whole 2012 scenario. However, scientists at NASA announced today that an asteroid measuring close to 200 ft. across, height and density are anyone's guess. This incoming object will pass within .007AU from the earth, closer 15-20 times closer than the moon, closer than the space station, and even closer than many of our satellites. I checked the JPL (jet propulsion lab) data personally, and the orbit of the asteroid shows it well see for yourself.

This was the CNN report.

March 4, 2012 – A possible catastrophe is in the making as Asteroid 2012 DA14 which is 197 feet or 60 meters has a good chance of impacting Earth between February 15-16, 2013. It was spotted by Spanish Stargazers in February of this year and now scientist are trying to figure out a way to defend Earth from a possible catastrophe. NASA’s David Dunham says: “The asteroid may split into pieces entering the atmosphere. In this case, most parts of it will never reach the planet’s surface.” If the asteroid does hit the Earth scientist believe the impact will be similar to the Tunguska blast, which in 1908 knocked down trees over a total area of 2,150 sq km (830 sq miles) in Siberia.
The Earth distance of object 2012 DA14 on the JPL chart has dropped to a negative on February 16, 2013, indicating an impact scenario has likely occurred.

Now for those of you unfamiliar with the Tunguska event:

In the early morning of June 30, 1908 in the Tunguska river valley of Siberia, an earthshaking event so powerful occurred that it was felt over 1000 miles away in London. The Tunguska event or Tunguska blast still has scientists searching for answers today.

The massive explosion, blast, or shock wave was so powerful that is leveled or flattened over 100 million plus trees in an area covering over 850 sure miles.

The cause of the 1908 event or blast is thought to be an explosion occurring in the air ( 3-6 miles above the earth's surface) from either a meteor or a comet. The estimated power of this air burst is calculated to be between 10-15 megatons, or 1000 times more powerful than the atomic bomb dropped on Hiroshima.

Think about that for a moment, if it had the power of 1000 hiroshimas what would this do if it hit it a metropolitan area with a dense population. Unfortunately with only 11 months until it arrives there isn't really time for us to do anything to stop it. So, hopefully it will hit in a region as barren as Tunguska or hit a desert, or antartica.

For Everyone Who Left the Ohio Valley, You're Jealous Right?

Listen, I've been sick as shit all day long. I mean throwing up in the terlet while crap comes out of my butt at the same time sick. Fevered up and trying to get some work done. None of that matters on Monday night tho, or Wednsday nights for that matter. I will be happy to barf every bite back up.

Every Monday and Wednesday I get to taste a little piece of heaven, or 7 pieces of heaven to be exact. 5 regular and two with extra cheese. All crust please. Oh and banana peppers on the side of three.

P.S. Next time you order Dicarlo's, get the extra cheese on the side. No better way to eat Dicarlo's, I promise you.

Mikey From OCC Can Blow Me!

Everybody in the world knows who Mikey from OCC is, right? Yeah that dude, the laziest man in America Mikey. The "I'm so entitled" Mikey Teutul. The "you only know me because of my father and big brother" Mikey.

Mike Teutul used to be the face of Orange County Choppers. He used to be tolerable and at times very funny but since the recent family feud and his addiction to whatever, Mikey has turned into the laziest, narrow minded, dooshbag in this entire country. He solidified his spot in American Cocksucker History when he didn't reach out to his father when his mother died.

Only in America can a fat, talentless, self absorbed asshole ride the coat tail of his family and become rich and famous. This dickhead isn't even funny anymore. He is too wrapped up in being bitter and righteous to even appreciate the fact that he had everything handed to him by the same man he bashes week after week on national television, his father. I really feel sorry for this fat, pathetic, lazy fuck of fuckwad. In fact, I feel so sorry for this piece of poo that I'm goin to just stop right here and no longer give him any more of my time. God damn America, I love you but you really need to pay more attention to the guys you put on TV and give millions to. This dude doesn't deserve a penny, other than the few cents his ridiculous paintings are worth.

You call yourself an artist, I just say your lucky your father is who he is.

Sports Best Kept Secret - The Buffer 360

Overshadowed much of his life by older brother Micheal, Bruce Buffer rose from obscurity in 1997 after signing with the UFC. Bruce Buffer is CEO of "Buffer Partnership" and is best known for his enthusiasm when announcing the fighters and his catch phrase "It's Time". What people don't know is that Bruce was the first announcer to successfully land a complete 360 while announcing the fighters names.

If I were gay, I'd bang out Bruce Buffer quicker than you can say "Veteran Voice Of The Octagon". Look at what Buff has accomplished, he's a total fuckin badass. Sure, Micheal Buffer and his "Lets Get Ready To Rumble" was great in the 90's but it's a new day in the world of professional fight announcing and Bruce sets the standard for Excellence. That Buff made me spooge myself when I saw him do the 180 turn and even Joe Rogan took notice. Rogan, long time ringside announcer, challenged Bruce to then drill a 360. So what does the Buffer do? The damn thing, is what he did. He just stuck the 360 like it ain't no thing. Breaking barriers n shit. There is so much beauty, elegance, drive, and complete awesomeness wrapped up in this little man it makes me fuckin crazy. I have always said that referees and announcers are the trippiest things in sports but Bruce Buffer just takes the cake.

*If you don't watch this video then you need to kill yourself. Buffer is the greatest Mother Fucker on earth!

Never Trust a Man With a Limp Fish Handshake...

Very few things in life truly get under my skin. Few things will cause me to judge a man or not give him the benefit of the doubt, under any circumstance. However, there is one thing in particular about bros that really chaps my asshole. I mean chapped like raw dawg, itchy and blood ridden chapped. Unfortunately, there are just so many people in this world that too often I hafto talk, pretend I'm interested in what anybody is saying to me and eventually shake their hands. I've long believed that it is best to shake hands with the person about to bore you to death, before the conversation even takes place. You can save yourself valuable time and effort by doin so. If the dude gives you the Limp Fish then you know you gotta get in and get out of that conversation as fast as you can. Trust me on this one, I'm much smarter than you.

There is just no better way to get a feel for a bro than thru the all important first handshake. Now I'm not talking givin someone "nucks" or whatever they call that shit these days. I'm talking about a good old American, nice to meet you sir, initial handshake. Is there anything worse than a grown man that shakes your hand like a 6 year old girl? Is there anything worse than when you're about to do business with someone or you're sealing the deal and homeboy comes at you with some timid, I got picked on my whole life and I secretly have zero respect for you bullshit handshake?

My personal feelings on bros and a limp handshake may be a little extreme, I agree but I'm convinced that there is a direct correlation between the Limp Fish and many, many things. For instance, if you wear glasses, tuck your shirt in and have your pants pulled up to ur belly button and Limp Fish it, then you are probably a pedophile. If you're not a pedophile then I guarantee you are the guy that would jerk off in someone's face while they are sound asleep. Boom. Here is another....if you're a dude that spends mad time in the gym, wears a V-neck sweater with the collars popped on ur designer button up undershirt and have the limp fish, then it's a no brainer, you're a homo. Boom. I will bless you with a few more examples right quick.... If you're just an ordinary bro and you have a limp handshake then you are probably a coke head or have some other secret addiction. If you're a hippy or a musician and have a limp handshake then you struggle with depression and hate your life. I'm willing to bet that you will hang yourself with a guitar string by the time your 28. If you don't then you will certainly end up a recluse taking in every stray pet in the neighborhood.

I could go on and on with this one but I'm confident you get my point. Next time you meet somebody new, be it a salesman or just a friend of a friend, do yourself a favor and observe the handshake. It can be the difference in whether or not you do business with someone. It can even be the difference between life and death. You can thank me later.

Song of the epoc

Good song for a sunday, atleast I thought so. If we're gonna have a country song on TwoBit then I figured it should involve Cash and/or Willie. A lil Haggard and Double Kris-topherson doesn't hurt either.

Gimmie Rondo!

Everytime I watch this dude play I am dumbfounded by the idea that Boston would even consider trading him. I am a hardcore laker fan so I would love to see this happen. I just hope that Ainge is dumb enough to actually trade him. He's one of my favorite players to watch and It's a very weird thing for me as a long time Laker fan. I also think he's a top 3 point gaurd in the league. In fact for the Lakers I'm not sure I would take any PG over him. Atleast not how we're currently constructed.

I'm not sure what the Celtics are thinking they want going forward but I'd give it to them. If they want a center, trade Bynum. If they want a forward, trade Pau! If the Lakers could aquire Rondo with only giving up one or the other, I think that would make LA the favorite in the west. But any team that gets Rondo will be alot better on offense and defense. I just want them to make this dumb move so I don't feel so guilty when I watch him with a smile!

Big East Steam.

Here's the deal, I am goin to make this short and sweet. When it comes to NCAA tourney time, I'm your mutha fuckin Huckleberry. Nobody, and I repeat nobody (except some people) has the vision that I have. Steam all over the place, oozing steam. I live for two things in this life, vagina and NCAA tournament time.

A few moons ago I said something that quite a few of my boys thought was awfully funny. I said that the Uconn Huskies would win the Big East and slip into the Dance. At the time Calhoun was in the Hospital and The Husks weren't lookin to good. Oh what a difference a few weeks make. So for all you degenerate gamblers out there, your welcome. UConn is my Big East Steam. So roll that shit up, light that shit and smoke it.

P.S. I challenge any of you pukes that think you can touch me. Email me at Twobitsports@aol.com and lets get it one. Your bracket Vs. mine.

I Just Wanna Know WHO Paid This Bro and HOW Much He Got Paid.

I have got to be honest on this one. All the controversy surrounding the New Orleans Saints and the said "bountys" that were put out on certain players does not bother me in the slightest. As a matter of fact, it is comforting to know that thier is still some old time NFL goin on in the NFL. I like the fact that thier is still that killer mentality despite the "Pussification of the NFL" taking place today.

Give me the Steel Curtain, give me the Purple People Eaters, Give me the Black Death in Oakland and give me the Aint's all day long. Whatever it takes to put football back in the word football is what the fuck I want. If anybody thinks that this hasn't been goin on since the beginning of the sport then you may actually, legitimetly be retarded.

Do you think Jack didn't get any kick backs for rippin dudes heads off?

High School Parents are Exactly What is Wrong With This Country.

A High School Hockey players father was kicked out of the arena after shining a laser pointer in the eyes of an opposing teams goalie. This wasn't the first incident that this dickhead has been involved with leaving some to question why this guy was even allowed to be there in the first place.

The game took place between two female hockey teams in the Boston area, Medway Ashland and Winthrop. The Winthrop players dad apparently shined the laser pointer in the Medway Ashland goalies eyes during the third period with the score tied 1-1. Winthrop ended up winning the game 3-1 but the game is now being appealed and the third period will most likely be played over again starting with the score 1-1.

I have long said that High School parents are the worst. Fathers living vicariously through their children, mothers doing everything in their power to protect their child and make sure they have equal playing time n shit. It's ridiculous. What happened to the days where the coach ran shit? The days that a parent wouldn't dare question the way a coach was running the team? The days where mom and dad understood that losing from time to time was good for a child? What happened to the days where if you weren't good enough then you just didn't play?

Pussified Parents are to blame for this country's destruction. My father wouldn't dare question my coaches' decisions to play me or not, let alone try and cheat for me. It was up to me to shut my mouth and respect my coach and if I didn't? Well lets just say he had a leather belt waiting for my perfect little ass. Coaches and teachers used to serve as a child's second parents. Nowadays it's the exact opposite, coaches aren't allowed to coach and teachers aren't allowed to teach. These are the reasons are country's infrastructure is falling apart. Everything in life is local, it starts at home. Kids no longer hafto fail, or in this case lose. God damn parents are there every time you turn around complaining about something and making excuses for everything.

Here is another example...

Lebron to Haslem for the...Loss.

Can Lebron do anything right? I have never seen a fall from grace quite like this in my life. There have been a couple sports figures that come to mind but none like Lebron. A few: Tiger Woods, John Daley, Barry Bonds, Jose Canseco. Other than maybe Tiger, nobody has done a better job of destroying their legacy than Lebron has. Which leads me to my next point.

Is all the hatred justified? Is their any reason to continue to make a big deal out of every move Lebron makes? I mean it's definitely fun, nobody loves a villain more than I but last night yet another game was blamed on Lebron when I just don't see, through my beautiful blue but sometimes Hazel eyes, why.

With seconds remaining Lebron passed the ball off to teammate Udonis Haslem who then missed a shot that could have won the game for The Heat. This, less than a week after Bron Bron gave the ball up in the final seconds of the All-Star game when he could have taken a shot to win it for the East. My question is, if Lebron takes these shots and misses he is probably either labeled a loser or a ball hog, right?

I am one of those guys that found Lebron's departure from Cleveland despicable. I don't need to sit here and bore you with the "he didn't have to do it on National TV's" or the "Jordan would have never left", we obviously agree on all that and there is no need to state what has been stated a million times already. I'm not defending Lebron, however I think this is getting a little out of control.

I love a Villain in sports probably more than I love a Tebow or a Jeremy Lin. Every sport needs one. Growing up in the 80's and 90's I have seen plenty. The Detroit Bad Boy Pistons, all of the Raiders teams in the 80's, the Duke Blue Devils, etc, so naturally I appreciate Lebron in ways most don't. Bron taking his talents to South Beach was arguably the best thing that could have happened to the NBA tho most will disagree. I have so much hatred for Lebron that I actually have learned to love the bro all over again.

From a sports experts angle, both decisions to pass the ball away in the final seconds were the right decisions. In the All Star game, when Kobe D'd him up, there was no possible way Lebron could have taken a shot that would have had any chance of goin in. And not to mention it was the All Star game, who cares? So get off his dick on that one. In last night's game, Lebron probably could have gotten a good clean shot off but Haslem was just so wide open. Haslem has proven that he can make a clutch shot and again, he was wide the fuck open. It was a great decision if you ask me. You hafto be able to trust certain guys in situations like this and that's exactly what Baby Bron Bron was doin. My question on last night's game is this: Where was D. Wade Or Chris Bosh come crunch time?

If Jordan would have had to take the game winning shot every time The Bulls needed a game winning shot then The Bulls would never have won 6 Championships. MJ bred confidence, it was something that was instilled in his teammates over time. It was MJ having the confidence in the BJ Armstrongs and John Paxons that allowed them to come up big at the end of big games. If you ask me, Lebron handing the ball off in times like this are usually the right decisions any way you look at it. Why would you take an obvious stupid shot when a guy, who is perfectly capable, is standing wide open begging for the rock? MJ would have made the same pass 7 times out of 10.

So when it comes to Lebron, lets just keep making fun of the things he does off the court and quit with this nit pickin bullshit, he made the right play!! At least until playoff time when it really matters. Until then, lets talk about Lebron ripping pastry chefs off when he doesn't like the Birthday cake that was made for him, lets talk about the production that is Lebron when he does simple things like diving off the high dive or when he decides he has to take a dump.

I hate Lebron as much as the next guy but I have the ability to keep shit funky, I know when it is time to criticize and when it's not. Lets enjoy the Heat being the most hated team in all of sports and appreciate Lebron for givin us that. Most importantly, lets stop making issues out of things that clearly aren't issues. Lebron made the right play and I think MJ would even agree.

What happens when Lebron finally does make the big plays? Of course we will still have his character to attack but what is gna transpire when it all finally comes together and Lebron gets his title, or 5?

The Fake GM: Orlando Magic to Dwight Howard...F@ck You!

In my imagination, I am a connected, big shot type sports person. Today, I am the general manager for the Orlando Magic and the guy responsible for dealing with the f@cked up situation with Magic star center, D. White Howard. That isn't how you spell his name but f@ck you, this is my imagination.

First off, f@ck you Lakers. I am not dealing sh@t with you d@ck lickers. The Lakers (and more importantly, Laker fans) have a long brewing horsesh@t batch of NBA entitlement. Listen, just because your most recent franchise player, Kobe "Anal Probe" Bryant is getting old and sh@tty that his title days are over and D. White Howard is approaching free agency does not mean that you are entitled to take our star off of our hands for some sh@tty combination of Steve Blake and Metta World F@cking Peace. We will not be trading with you any mo'.

Here is what the Orlando Magic, under my authority as fake GM, will be doing with our star, D. White Howard. We are going to call his bluff. If Howard really does not want to be in Orlando. If he really thinks that it better for his bull sh@t "brand". And if he intends to leave for greener pastures...then we will be calling his bluff.

Of course, we aren't likely to publicly state such a thing. The official party line will be something to the effect of, "We are going to play out this season and then talk with D. White this off season about continuing our partnership and our pursuit of a championship for the city of Orlando."

That is our big type goal. To finally win the title that my predecessor (his name escapes me for the moment) failed to win with his star, the fat turd, Shaw Kilo Neal (that was a big stretch, I realize, but I am using a sort of homophonic device with players names as my hook for this post). Anything less than the pursuit of the NBA title is dogsh@t. Too many teams in the NBA aren't competing for a title but are simply competing to make a profit. They talk the game but the words lack passion. They lack desperation.

Under my watch, the Orlando Magic will be desperately fighting for a title. That is our move nnow. D. White will continue to be a Magic (Magician? Magicataur? Magicalian? Stupid f@cking name. If only I was the GM twenty five years ago then we would be the Orlando Sentinels or even the f@cking Mouses.) unless such time he decides to leave.

That begs the question, will he actually leave? D. White has not be definitive that he will absolutely leave. He wants to go to New York. He wants to go to Dallas. He wants to play with a great point guard in a new building Brooklyn. He wants to fly on the back of a giant winged aardvark to the groovy side of the moon to play pick up sticks with his estranged step-fairy-god-mother-in-law. He doesn't know what he wants, but I do.

D. White wants a lot of money. That is what everyone wants, no? He wants a lot of money and we can give him a lot more money than anyone else. That is what the lockout was about. That is what everybody wants. Superstars should want to stay with the team that they became stars with. They should want a championship caliber team to be built around them. Nobody wants to see D. White win his titles in f@cking Brooklyn, with the possible exception of a few Brooklynites (Brooklanders? Brookies? Brooklynianians? Sorry, another hook).

We are going to call his bluff. We will not trade him. We will finish this season. We will offer him a max deal to stay. And if he chooses to leave, we will let him go. We will watch him leave upwards of thirty million dollars on the table to leave Orlando (and our cheap land and no state taxes) for the dirty, noisy, ugly f@cking Brooklyn.

Not only is this the balls move by our franchise, this is the smart move. D. White is not walking away from that much money. Nobody walks away from that much money. We will look to add pieces for a title run this year. And if we happen to win a championship this year? (or at least come close) D. White may decide to stay because he loves it here or because he realizes that this is his best opportunity to win some titles or for all that extra money, we don't really care why.

Now, worst case scenario. D. White pulls a Leigh Brawn-James and walks away (I am aware that Leigh Brawn left via a sign and trade but this was only because the Cavs blinked) and leaves us seemingly with nothing. Really? Is that really nothing? We will begin our rebuilding phase by emptying our roster and bottoming out. This is the only way (besides the f@cking Lakers employing the league to arrange bullsh@t trades to bring them a steady stream of great players) to improve in the modern NBA.

There are only a handful (maybe 12-20 depending on your definition) of true stars in the NBA. Guys who truly can be called franchise guys. Guys who can truly remake the culture of a team and carry a franchise for an extended period of time. Those guys are not easy to get. If you aren't the Lakers (see my previous angry rant) then you can either try to buy one in free agency or you can draft one. That is pretty much all of your options.

The media seems bent on getting D. White into a major market. I think this is because the media members would rather live in New York, Dallas or Souther California than in our little Disney paradise. They all mutter the same non-sensical nonsense. We have to get something back for D. White. We can't lose him for nothing. Let's say for a moment that we do pull of something of a coup and get a player like the f@cking Laker's center Ann Droobynam (clearly getting lazy with my hook...time to wrap this up). Aren't we taking back a lesser more often injured version of the guy we already have? Are we really desperately pursuing a title if we pull this dogsh@t trade? Aren't we pretty much dooming ourselves to the ugly middle of the league?

Yes, that is exactly what we are doing. We will be dooming ourselves to the sad realm of the Indianapolis's and the Houston's of the NBA world. We will spend the next five years fighting for the right to an eighth seed and an early exit in the Eastern Conference playoffs. But, that isn't what we are going to do under my fake watch, dammit! We will be standing firm on our right to compete in this league. We will continue to sell D. White on his commercial viability in this on-line wired in world where geography means little and community means everything.

D. White Howard will be an Orlando Magical (shit....Magicitron? Magicalical?) until I am relieved of my imaginary post as the fake General Manager of the very real Orlando Magic.

Thank you all (except for the f@cking Lakers)

Don't let your kids eat McDonald's chicken nuggets, in fact you shouldn't eat them either!!!!

This picture isn't the Mickey D's strawberry milkshake, this is the chicken nuggets before being shaped, breaded, and cooked!!!  My kids aren't getting McDonald's "chicken nuggets" again.

Most folks assume that a chicken nugget is just a piece of fried chicken, right? Wrong! Did you know, for example, that a McDonald's Chicken McNugget is 56% corn? What else is in a McDonald's Chicken McNugget?  A book called the omnivore's dilemma is a har-hitting look at the fast food industry.  Besides corn, and to a lesser extent, chicken, The Omnivore's Dilemma describes all of the thirty-eight ingredients that make up a McNugget ­ one of which I'll bet you'll never guess. During this part of the book, the author has just ordered a meal from McDonald's with his family and taken one of the flyers available at McDonald's called "A Full Serving of Nutrition Facts: Choose the Best Meal for You." These two paragraphs are taken directly from The Omnivore's Dilemma: "The ingredients listed in the flyer suggest a lot of thought goes into a nugget, that and a lot of corn. Of the thirty-eight ingredients it takes to make a McNugget, I counted thirteen that can be derived from corn: the corn-fed chicken itself; modified cornstarch (to bind the pulverized chicken meat); mono-, tri-, and diglycerides (emulsifiers, which keep the fats and water from separating); dextrose; lecithin (another emulsifier); chicken broth (to restore some of the flavor that processing leeches out); yellow corn flour and more modified cornstarch (for the batter); cornstarch (a filler); vegetable shortening; partially hydrogenated corn oil; and citric acid as a preservative. A couple of other plants take part in the nugget: There's some wheat in the batter, and on any given day the hydrogenated oil could come from soybeans, canola, or cotton rather than corn, depending on the market price and availability. According to the handout, McNuggets also contain several completely synthetic ingredients, quasiedible substances that ultimately come not from a corn or soybean field but form a petroleum refinery or chemical plant. These chemicals are what make modern processed food possible, by keeping the organic materials in them from going bad or looking strange after months in the freezer or on the road. Listed first are the "leavening agents": sodium aluminum phosphate, mono-calcium phosphate, sodium acid pyrophosphate, and calcium lactate. These are antioxidants added to keep the various animal and vegetable fats involved in a nugget from turning rancid. Then there are "anti-foaming agents" like dimethylpolysiloxene, added to the cooking oil to keep the starches from binding to air molecules, so as to produce foam during the fry. The problem is evidently grave enough to warrant adding a toxic chemical to the food: According to the Handbook of Food Additives, dimethylpolysiloxene is a suspected carcinogen and an established mutagen, tumorigen, and reproductive effector; it's also flammable. But perhaps the most alarming ingredient in a Chicken McNugget is tertiary butylhydroquinone, or TBHQ, an antioxidant derived from petroleum that is either sprayed directly on the nugget or the inside of the box it comes in to "help preserve freshness." According to A Consumer's Dictionary of Food Additives, TBHQ is a form of butane (i.e. lighter fluid) the FDA allows processors to use sparingly in our food: It can comprise no more than 0.02 percent of the oil in a nugget. Which is probably just as well, considering that ingesting a single gram of TBHQ can cause "nausea, vomiting, ringing in the ears, delirium, a sense of suffocation, and collapse." Ingesting five grams of TBHQ can kill." Bet you never thought that was in your chicken McNuggets!

Why You Shouldn't be Gay!!!!

.......If there are any children around, they should step out of the room.

I know some people who are homosexual and I have one friend who is gay.  I never knew this is what they did behind closed doors. lol.  Man some people will believe anything.